Post Number 1:The Whole Damn Bouquet

The potpourri of human personalities is an eclectic mix. The bouquet of mankind is adorned with the motley crew of flowers. As wallflowers, we are gravitated towards more of an observant role. However this particular trait of ours enables us to expertly identify the rest of the ‘flowers’ we are surrounded by at all times. Elaborating, in no particular order-

 

Type 1 : Trius-Everythingus(which is basically my pretentious way of referring to those who try anything and everything)-

This particular species is found in any habitat that has the potential to sustain living beings. Their tendency to experiment with environmental aspects is astounding. Their perspective on life is to attain any relevant practical knowledge wherever and whenever possible. They are the ones who would know something or the other about everything that is going on around, be it nearby festivities, alcohol experimentation tips, circulars and deadlines, society activities, local gossip etc.  So if you see an omnipresent entity that is visible but yet never prominent(wise words…I know), chalk it upto a Trius-Everythingus.

 

Type 2: Jocko-elata(the ever enthusiastic fitness freaks)-

This particular species is prevalent in domains possessing an atmosphere of perspiration, egos and an overbearing urge to exert one’s superiority. The jocko-elata remains blissfully unaware of a world outside of a football ground/basketball court/cricket field(you get the idea right?). Their vocabulary, much like their patience is rather stinted and prone to random aggressive outbursts at the slightest provocation. They survive on a nutritious diet of protein supplements, ego boost and winning meaningless competitions. The jocko-elata thrives on establishing a sense of victory on fellow species and is indifferent to the idea that sometimes, people DON’T care. AT ALL. Their Modus Operandi of resolving conflicts is straightforward and it involves the arguing parties to settle it out on the football ground/basketball court/cricket field(you get the idea again right?).

 

Type 3:Silentus-Reptus(the quiet, discrete over achievers)-

By far, the most dangerous of the species mentioned, the Silentus-Reptus keeps an abnormally low profile and remains hidden behind more powerful,outgoing personalities. However, they keep on continually expanding their skill set, garnering achievement after achievement, without disclosing even an iota of what they have done. Their stealth is their strength. The Silentus-Reptus pull a pretence of ignorance and innocence, acting as if they lack a sense of worldly awareness. However, underneath that facade is a calculated strategy to know what everyone else is doing, attaining knowledge from them without disclosing their own assets. If you ever had a plan that you disclosed to someone and forgot about it yourself, and remembered it weeks later and decided to materialize it for once and for all and were brutally rebuffed(long sentence…sorry) by an anonymous person who did that in your place instead, chalk it upto Silentus-Reptus. Avoid interaction at all costs.

 

Type 4: Alcoho-stonatas( Drunks and stoners)-

This particular species survives on an eclectic mix of alcohol,cigarettes,lack of inhibition and hallucinations of unachieved brilliance. The incoherent vocalization of their thoughts is a side product of their staple diet. In their minds, they say and do things of incredible value, unfortunately most of them don’t translate into actual actions. They are commonly found in habitats offering their staple diet at minimized remunerations. Their rituals are customarily marked by an over-consumption of their staple diets and followed by attempts to erase memories of feats achieved post ingestion of the ‘diet’. Their inability to interact with flowers of different kinds is a characteristic trait and involves a strange belief that the other flowers are incapable of enjoying their company, unless under the influence of their culinary treats.

 

Type 5: Borus-Nerdus(Boring Nerds)-

The Borus-Nerdus is a niche in the Nerdus species. They are predominantly found in a habitat offering opportunity to attain recognition in front of the Professora species for attainment of a minimal advantage in numerical assessment of abilities for the session.(another pretentious way of referring to exams) The Borus is incredibly dull to talk to and possess minimal awareness of the concept of social life. They share a parasitic relationship with textbooks and assignments and involve technical jargon in their day-to-day random conversations with other flowers. The ability of Borus to make references that only the other Borus understand and reply to is characteristic of the species. Most attempts of the Borus species to integrate themselves in socio-cultural festivities with other flowers end up in further exclusion due to massive differences in their understanding of the definitions and concepts of jokes, pranks, parties and “chilling out”. Borus experience a massive influx of flowers during a climatic phenomenon called Examus wherein their inherent Nerdus genes render them an invaluable asset to fellow flowers.

 

Type 6:Bragotitis(Braggers and Boasters)-

The Bragotitis are characterised by their incessant vocalization of their achievements and the resultant indifference among other species. The Bragotitis suffer from an acute genetic condition called Brandos wherein they are constantly found adorning their physical appearance with material goods that possess an exorbitant monetary value compared to their utility and appearance. The Bragotitis use the Brandos syndrome to attract other species but find themselves on the shorter end of the stick mostly. The Bragotitis generally lack the accomplishments to flaunt their own petals(fancy flower metaphor) and exist in the sheltered existence of their parent flowers. In rare cases, Bragotitis and Jocko-elata co-exist in a single entity causing incessant irritation to fellow flowers, single-handedly testing the patience of each and every living being.

 

Type 7: Excesso-Brainiata(Intellectuals)-

The Excesso-Brainiata are a stark contrast to the Jocko-elata species, possessing incredible brain power and minimal physical prowess. They survive on a diet of stimulating conversations, putting down other species and ruminating on causes that are irrelevant to their life and existence. The Excesso-Brainiata are often misconstrued as a member of the Nerdus species but they are incredibly distinct, despite the surface similarities.They are ingrained with a sense of superiority and are identified with the distinctive tinge of sarcasm, disdain and pity in their interactions with other flower species. They rely on fancy jargon to communicate the most fundamental of thoughts to other species(much like this sentence). If you happen to spot an Excesso-Brainiata who has the traits of Silentus-Reptus , just turn the other way and run for your life. The Apocalypse is here.

 

Type 8: Hottus-vainus(Self-absorbed hot people)-

The most visually appealing of all species, the Hottus-Vainus is characterised by their sense of awareness of their likeability and an entourage catering to their whims and wishes. They are extremely skilled at manipulating other flowers to suit their requirements and thrive on a diet of constant appreciation, idolization and vanity. The Hottus-vainus makes up for the lack of power in their stems(another metaphor… get it? get it?) by borrowing the strengths of the stems of their followers. They are extremely adaptable to any situation and can survive by attaching themselves to any species in order to establish a symbiotic relationship, wherein they offer their social standing and reputation as their contribution to the arrangement.

 

 

Sidenote: This was a fun attempt at categorizing people in broad divisions. Some of us are all of these, some are a few of these and some even may be none. It was done in good humour and it is expected no one takes offence to this. Incase you do feel offended….. Oh well…. Whatever.