Candid Wallflowers came into existence during one clammy summer evening, when the two writers, in midst of their gossip sessions, thought to share their infinitely wise observations of the people around them. With the utmost humility, of course.  The very first article was an attempt at decoding the kind of people we are mostly surrounded with in college. You can read it here. With time, the old groupings have disbanded just as people keep shedding old habits and come into new ones.

This list is an attempt at identifying the type of people we turn into during our exams.

Type 1: Phonus Stickingus

This species is quite rare in its sighting for the most part of the semester but suddenly before the exams, you keep getting their calls, asking to confirm the syllabus. Their scepticism is a special trait. Since they have no idea what to do, how to do and from where to do, they listen to all the information with a healthy dose of doubt. These are the people who have perfected the art of statistics and probability. They will ask everyone personally about the syllabus, not committing to what any one person says. Finally they will measure the most common version with the trust factor of the person they heard it from and make their own decision. Despite this, coming out from the exam hall, they can be heard complaining about how they didn’t know they had to study a certain topic that was there in the question paper.

Type 2: Note-aries

If any species has to be at the top of the food ladder, it would be this one. They live by the motto, “Shy not from asking teachers for notes and syllabus for you is smart, you is kind, you is important. But most importantly, you strive to top over the rest of the suckas.”
This species is the reason why you can hope to pass the exams if you slept or bunked through the semester. Their class notes are nothing less than sacred texts, that you try to memorise word for word, however indecipherable their handwriting may be. Their shining moment comes when at the end of college, there is deluge of photographs of them, with captions stating how they saved scores of kids from failing.

Type 3: Revision-aries

Aptly named, this species is one of the rarest and most elite. They’re prized by all teachers for their honesty and hard-work. This species is excellent at camouflaging with the rest of the animal kingdom, but deep down they’ve already visualised the exam paper and have solved it. You know it, they know it. When the time comes for placements and internships, you know it deep down, this alpha species will take them all.

Type 4: Middle-ingus

(Yeah. If you read that fast, it sounds linguistically quite fascinating. Call me when you make it out.)
This species constitutes eighty percent of the animal population. Also called the omnivores of college kingdom, this species dabbles in everything. Watching the latest Marvel movie, cataloguing the best and most economical food spots in town, hundreds of pictures doing every imaginable pose or antic – they’ve done it all. They temper all this with just enough study time to perform moderately well.

Type 5: Care-notus

Every once in a while, the world has a special privilege of seeing the species that has renounced all worldly moh-maya. To call them the rarest species would be an understatement. They’ll float through the exam season, not caring a fig about it. Exams are just a creation of the society to oppress their state of zen.

 

 

P.S. While we don’t intend to stop writing here any time soon, this may very well be our last article before the college ends. And so we considered it apt to come a full a circle from where we started with this light hearted attempt at amusing you all with our observations about college life. Thank you!